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Unlocking the Oddities of TSA

TSA Rules and Regulations: Unlocked

If you’ve booked a flight, you’ve read through all of the TSA rules and by-laws and guidelines and lists of prohibited items. You’ve packed accordingly. You’ve prepped your bags for the long journey ahead. No? Maybe?

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Traveling these days is a real obstacle. It’s difficult to find an affordable ticket. It’s difficult to find a convenient ride to and from the airport. It’s difficult to wait in all of the impossible lines. But the real difficulty is abiding by all of the TSA Rules and Regulations for packing your luggage. The struggle is real, and these rules vary from airport to airport, so it’s best to have a good idea from the get-go.

We’ve taken a look at the list and decided that anyone can master it, as long as you know a few, easy to remember steps.

3 Steps for Taking Control of Your Flight Accessories

Step 1: Remember that there are no mobsters, ninjas, or rabid wild animals (that we know of) on the plane.

You are not allowed to bring your Brass KnucklesThrowing Stars, Spear Guns or Cattle Prods in your Carry-On, but you can safely pack them away in your checked bag as long as you take the proper measures to wrap them up securely. This way, the TSA agents won’t hurt themselves and you can protect yourself once you arrive at your destination and follow all of the proper exits. 

Note: In the odd chance that you run into a few Daleks on the plane, don’t worry. Wrenches, Pliers and Screwdrivers (seven inches or less in length) are allowed in Carry-Ons. The Doctor can bring his Sonic Screwdriver on the plane in a secure bag, as long as it isn’t flammable. 

Step 2: Leave your large Snow Globes at home with the rest of your collection.

TSA understands the struggle of the modern-day Snow Globe Enthusiast. Snow Globes that appear to contain less than 3.4 ounces of water—approximately the size of a tennis ball—are permitted on the plane in a checked bag. The only catch? The entire snow globe, including the base, must be able to fit in the same clear, plastic, quart-sized, resealable bag that holds all of your other traveling liquids such as shampoo, toothpaste and cosmetics. Remember that you’re only allowed one bag, so choose your Snow Globe wisely.

Step 3: Rest assured that you will not end up like Tom Hanks in Castaway.

Ever since we’ve watched Castaway, it’s hard to get on a plane that’s flying over water and not prepare yourself for a possible crash onto an uncharted island with no provisions except a mute Volleyball. It’s a good thing TSA allows you to bring Skates (including Ice Skates and Rollerblades) in your Carry-On. In the case of a crash, and your possible doom, you can easily tie those Ice Skates to a branch and make an axe to build shelter.

Other Survivor Items that are Allowed:

  • Flare Guns (may be carried as checked baggage, but MUST be unloaded, packed in a locked hard-sided container, and declared to the airline at check-in)
  • Scissors (metal scissors with pointed tips and blades shorter than 4 inches are allowed in a checked bag, but blades longer than 4 inches are prohibited completely)
  • Knives (must be secured in a checked bag, unless it’s a plastic or round bladed butter knife)
  • Bows and Arrows (must be secured in a checked bag)
  • Crowbars (must be secured in a checked bag)

The catch about the TSA Prohibited Items Checklist is not what you can’t bring or what you shouldn’t bring. It’s about packing smartly and bringing only what you truly need on a business or leisure trip.